It’s also no secret that Renee is the stronger one between the two of us.  She has the smarts, the looks, I accepted this long ago and I’m cool with it.  To say I was oblivious to what was going on with the mortgage would be a massive understatement.  But I’m working on that, as unfair as it was at the time.

Right now we’re feeling beaten.  Aside from this long battle, 2008 has taken our dog, our time, our money, and pretty much our spirit.

If you’re unaware, last week GMAC closed its doors and laid off over 5,000 people, give or take.  Our broker was one of those people.  But he has our file, is working with a company he has a rapport with, and we should be hearing from him soon.  We were expecting to hear from him Friday, but that didn’t happen.  We didn’t hear from him today, either.  Friday was also the day Renee received some pretty depressing news at work.  Saturday we braced for the storm that was coming with the leftovers from Hannah.  We had a little trickle of water come into the basement, but nothing the dehumidifier couldn’t handle.  But I still freak out a tad when we get or are expecting to get some heavy rainfall.  Luckily this was mostly wind.  Sunday was the only bright spot in recent memory – we went for a drive, had a nice brunch, did some window shopping, picked up some bargain-priced books, came home and spent time with Nanuuq before doing the usual ‘get ready for the work week’ routine.

So yeah, today, still no word on our refinance.  And even though we have proof that the mortgage has been paid every month and in full, the shitheels at ASC (an oh-so-wonderful Wells Fargo company) have been reporting that the payments are late and are only partial.  And it doesn’t look like Equifax believes us or the evidence that supports our claim.

Tonight I called the woman that I love and adore that I would do anything for (and do anything to) and she sounds crushed.  And that’s where the feelings I described come into play.  The idea that I can’t do anything to make this right, to make her feel better, to ease her pain and frustration makes me ill.  I try to scream, nothing comes out.  I’m even too damn spent to cry.

Maybe typing out my various and assorted thoughts will help somewhat.

There are people worse off than us.  Without a doubt.  I wish I could help them.  But as this pity party proves, I can’t even help myself or my wife.

We just want this over.  We mistakenly assumed that 2008 would be ‘our year’.  We get it.  It’s not.  You win.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

Renee ran into the house to grab the camera because she didn’t think anyone would believe her (I didn’t get hail at work and we’re about twenty/thirty miles north of where we work). I checked them out when I got home:

While going through the shots on the card, I came across a few that I took at the end of last month as a storm was fast approaching. These trees are right outside our property line, I stood in the backyard looking up:

I don’t recall if I had the flash open on the camera. I really like these shots. I think I’ll clean them up, or a bug a friend to do it for me, and show off a new wallpaper.

Today was spent powerwashing the deck, where Renee was rearranging and setting up the furniture.  I grilled up some chicken and we spent a nice, peaceful day together.  I think she had a very good birthday and mother’s day.

We also got to see a little art film.  I think it’s in limited release, not on too many screens.  Something called Iron Man.

So yeah, I think this weekend capped off a pretty decent week, cable issues with the phone and the ‘net notwithstanding.  Vince, Chris, and I recorded the second episode of 11 O’Clock Comics and that seems to have a few folks entertained.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to set up any Sneak Peeks for Marvel titles shipping next week, but I plan on being on the ball this Friday.

I almost forgot – Saturday night, I received a text message from Pat Loika (who was attending the Emerald City Comic Con) with the following image attached.  I love the big guy and my infatuation with Jeff Parker continues to grow.  Gentlemen, thank you both.

If you’re not reading X-Men: First Class, shame on you!

Friday night we went to check on our friend Karen, who’s recovering from surgery, and have dinner at her place. Saturday, the three of us drove up to Dutchess so Renee could check out the deals at Plant Depot and so I could fill up the Tucson (gas being a tad cheaper just north of us). We also checked out a Fish Market that sold out of their batch of hard shell crabs right before we got there. I grabbed some salmon steaks which I plan on grilling soon. I got to hang out with Nanuuq in the car while mommy went into the shops. After we returned home, I mowed the lawn which is something that needed to be done. The weather cooperated nicely. Today, we watched No Country For Old Men and The Last Mimzy.

Not a bad weekend and nothing I can really complain about. I did take a few photos of the yard since Renee likes to check on her work. Plus, I have to take some shots of our little Japanese maple that survived the winter. Finally, there are some pictures of a house near us that has some gorgeous landscaping. Unfortunately, you can’t really tell that from these images, but I’ll have the camera with me again the next time we head that way.

UPDATE: I had photos attached to this post but, after closer inspection, I did not like the way they came out. Plus, I spent way too much time fooling around with resizing them.

I should have spent the time working on the show notes for this week’s Marvel Noise.

I’m just so tired.

I had four phone numbers from friends and family given to me this morning, all telling me that “this person is great” or “he can work miracles” and so on.  Calls have been made with more to follow.  So we still have hope (thankfully, it’s free) and we’re not out of the fight yet.  But it would be nice to be able to sleep peacefully again.

To everyone that’s been pulling for us, thinking good thoughts, and sending good vibes, believe you me, they are still doing a world of good.  I can’t wait to write the happy ending.

And it’s related to money. Specifically, the money we’re paying to keep our house. The bank that holds our mortgage is a joke. They refuse to renegotiate as long as you can make your payments. That makes sense, I suppose. They get their money, to hell with the rest of your expenses and credit score. Since before October of last year we knew our payment was going up. So we did the Lending Tree thing. And we had some offers, but nothing concrete came of it. Our debt ratio is too high or we live in an area that we can afford based on our income (our house is one of four on our side of the street that seems to be worth anything – the rest of the community looks like white trash) or there just isn’t a program in place that can help us.

A couple months ago, Shawn called me out of the blue to ‘follow up’ based on information he received from Lending Tree. I’ve never spoken to this man before, nor dealt with his company. In less than 48 hours after a few conversations he had with Renee, we were in a completely different situation. There was actually hope. Paperwork and documents were sent to him and numbers were crunched. He came back to us with a mortgage payment that would actually leave us with a few bucks at the end of each month. It was amazing.

But the underwriters wanted certain things paid off. With money we didn’t have. Because, after all, if we did I don’t think we’d be in the shape we’re in. So many calls to family members were made. And those that could help came through with flying colors. Retirement money has been loaned out (that 1099 I’m getting in January is gonna royally suck) and Peter was robbed to pay Paul. Last week, we were right at the level we needed to be and Shawn’s boss was going to fast track everything and push it along.

And today is the day. The underwriters have given the loan agreement to Shawn’s managers and now we’re waiting. And it’s killing us. It’s one of those ‘hope for the best, anticipate the worst’ scenarios. A few weeks ago Renee was looking into pet friendly apartments. We were starting to think that in a few years, we can end up with something nice if we lost the house to foreclosure. But seriously, considering what we make how is losing our home an option? Is it really easier for a bank to foreclose on a house, with all the paperwork involved, than it is to work something out with the people that live there and have been making payments?

We should have an answer in the next couple hours.

And I wish it was only the house situation we were facing. Because of that, however, the holidays were a very solemn time for us. No decorations were put up (as commented on by our neighbors (think Christmas with the Cranks)) nor were gifts exchanged. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I gave Renee and Meyer Lemon tree and she bought me the Blade Runner collection in the funky briefcase. Nikki was taken from us far, far too early back in February. My grandmother owed the government a shit ton of money because her accountant did not send her a form she needed to sign. My brother is facing some problems at work. Cripes, if we’re being tested I hope the payoff is fucking worth it.

I know we’re not alone. Everyone has problems in some way, shape, or form. We’re not the only ones facing foreclosure (Shawn has a client that calls him daily and the woman is often in tears). We’re not the only ones with money problems. But it’s just so goddamn frustrating.

I’ve accepted the fact that 2008 is the year I do not attend conventions. In the grand scheme of things, that’s a ‘no big whoop’. But what stings in this instance is that it’s the only time I see my friends that are scattered about. But, that’s what email is for, right? I suppose the podcast is a release for me. And before anyone chimes in with “it can’t be as bad as you say if you can buy comics” let me say that we’ve cut back on a lot things. Unfortunately, my work schedule means I can’t work a part time job during the week. But the weekends are a different story and that process has started. But getting back to Marvel Noise, this is one reason I started the Marvel Tales segment. Aside from the fact that I have a lot of comics from the 80s, I’m not buying comic books right now. When I talk about a recent issue it’s because I’ve borrowed the comic or it’s an advance review. There is virtually no cost to me to produce Marvel Noise. And I’m pretty sure it shows. So the reason for the donate button on the Marvel Noise page is to not only make the show better, but also to give me and Renee a little help. Thanks to the wonderful Pat Loika, he has offered his talents to anyone that donates at least five dollars. And t-shirts are being designed for those that want to be stylish after being charitable.  I wrestled with the idea of even asking, but I was told by a few friends that I shouldn’t close this door without checking.  So there ya go.

In any case, this post is something that’s been in the drafting stage for awhile. Today, with an answer looming closer it seemed a good day to finish it.

Christ, this was depressing.

Thanks for reading. I need a drink.

Vibes, prayers, thoughts – whatever good you can spare, we’d greatly appreciate it.

Today it was like there was a grand opening sign and everyone had passes to the buffet.

We’ve had birds pretty much all day. Big ones, little ones, sparrows, blue jays, mothers and their little ones. The crows like to throw their weight around but they don’t stick around for long. What we really got a kick out of, though, was when a squirrel stopped by. It didn’t even dawn on me that other creatures would decide to stop and pick, and it is my fault putting the pole so close to the fence. But if it keep the little bugger out of the street, I can’t complain. I shooed it away once (the first time we asked it to go Renee did the honors), but only because it was holding up the line and those that were waiting looked hungry. And even though I was met with blank stares from the girls when I told them to go take care of the squirrel, they were right behind me barking away when I walked toward the feeder. I’m not sure if they had my back or were telling the squirrel ‘yeah, don’t make us come down here anymore’.  Speaking of the girls, click the image to scroll through some photos.

This is good. Another perk to being a homeowner.

On Tuesday, December 27, 2005 we had a few friends over along with Judge Dennis Zenz and threw ourselves a ceremony. This was for us, by us. I would like to thank Karen for all of her help in making the day go off without a hitch. Kudos to Kim, who played “Jimmy Olsen” with his camera. And my appreciation to Joey and John for finally making it to the house. We also decided to have the evening catered by Charlotte Berwind so folks could even feel more “at home” (including the bride and groom). Michael (our chef) and Pauline (our server) did an amazing job and I can’t give enough praise to them. Finally, I’d be remiss if I failed to mention Mahopac Florist. Michael worked with Renee to make the wonderful bouquets and Billy was a joy to work with (and thanks to Billy for recommending Charlotte).

And regarding the photos, click our lovely entwined hands to look at a few. And if you’re really into the whole ‘wedding scene’ take a few minutes to watch the movie (below) that was filmed using my camera (Quicktime 7 required) – nothing fancy, just something I thought of doing almost at the last minute – thanks to John for the ‘panning’. The only family members that knew we were eloping were my grandparents, who ‘attended’ via speakerphone. Unfortunately, due to the kitchen being utilized the entire time, Nanuuq and Nikki were unable to attend the ceremony. But they behaved themselves upstairs and were shown much love after the kitchen ‘closed’.

Our Wedding

Yeah, I’ll probably end up with a snow thrower before the season’s out…